today in streaming consciousness

today i let myself sleep in a bit. i giggled with my husband in bed as he asked Siri to “message Kez ‘I love you babe'” and Siri sent it to our builder… whose name is Wegner. We argued over who would make coffee. He lost. (high five self). we walked the dogs and the sun was shining and it was lovely. The cat came with too. I got hot and tied my jacket around my waist. Lulu ran onto the island in the middle of the dam and chased the mother ducks off her nest of eggs. I saw red and called her a bloody naughty little shit. They were marched home rather promptly after that. The dogs I mean. They are battling to adjust to this new space, I think. The german shepherd needs more exercise but we are so busy with the new business that a twenty minute walk in the morning is all we can manage right now. every day I ask Andy to book her into an exercise/obedience class – she loves any one on one time with him. and every day i wonder how people have children and dogs and cats at the same time. they all need so much attention. the cat loves it here though. the guests adore her. I’m just waiting for her to drag a massacred rat into the breakfast room. After our walk i fed the dogs and washed lulu in the pool. we ran out of dog food and so we feed them abby’s cat food for breakfast. whoops. Bad parents. I had a shower. it was luke warm because i forgot to check if the washing machine was on. it was! then i made the bed and put the dog’s beds outside to air because it rained yesterday and everything smalls damp. the land is so dry and the dam is so empty – the rain didn’t touch sides, it seems. I got dressed and did my hair and makeup. my tummy growled and i realised it was half past nine already and i hadn’t eaten breakfast… again. there is no space in the kitchen right now – Andy bashed down half the cupboards yesterday because the builders are supposed to be installing an extractor machine. All the cupboard contents are now on the counter tops and Zayleen was using every other spare surface to prepare breakfast for the guests so I decided to get out of her space and out of the house and eat breakfast at my meeting with a friend. We went to blue crane and butterfly in dorp street. i like it there because they make soy milk cappuccinos and hummus toast and the staff are so friendly. except for that one guy. he never smiles back at me. maybe he is sad. i was there half an hour early whoops. it was so nice to get out of the house and catch up with someone who is in a similar life situation to me. before i knew it it was 12 and we said our goodbyes. i walked around the streets for a bit by myself. i stood under a big old oak tree’s shade for a while and just breathed in the calm of solitude. I picked up some gifts for a friend and then andrew messaged me a shopping list of things we need for the guesthouse, including eggs. I hate buying eggs or cheese now that i’m vegan – even if i know it’s not for me. it feels very wrong in the tips of my soul. i bought the most expensive organic and free range eggs i could find. i miss our chickens. then i remembered about the dog food so i stopped in at the pet shop. the staff there remembered me (probably because i referred to the lighthouse toy as a big dildo last time i was there) but it made me feel all local and homey and we had a lovely chat about our furry animals. the nice lady also told me she is starting a grooming parlour for dogs, which i’m pleased about because i don’t like the place in town that we took lulu to last week. there was something not nice about it. i remembered i must get more food for the koi fish too. i’ve never had koi before. i wondered if the pellets were vegan. Probably not. Probably made up of ground up fish. i was too scared to check the ingredients. on the way home my friend Gemma messaged me to say she is coming to visit which will be lovely. i miss her. it seems like light years ago those days when we used to sit outside at the old restaurant and drink cosmopolitans. were things more carefree back then or is it just the rose-tinted hue of time gone by that makes it seem that way? i got home and just sat in the car by myself for five minutes, bathing in the silence and the warmth of the sun. do you ever do that? just gather yourself in the car for a few minutes before you go into your house? i carried the groceries and dog food in – it took three trips. the kitchen was still a mess – the extractor guys had still not arrived, and will probably not come today. i had a little meltdown. it seems that just as things start to settle, something else happens to rock my world. i guess that’s what moving and fixing and changing things is all about, though. sometimes i want to run away to a neat little apartment with white walls and lots of light. Just me. And my desk. No mess, no clutter, no fighting dogs. lulu and millie keep having little altercations, especially around doorways and their food bowls. it’s stressing me out a bit but I know its because Millie needs more exercise. i unpacked the groceries as best i could in the upside down kitchen and then sat down to check client emails and messages. i started writing this post. i want to write something every day for october because i feel like i need to find my writing legs (feet? fingers is probably better) again and i remember being taught or reading somewhere that if you are battling to write you must just sit down and write  by stream of consciousness and get everything in your mind out on paper, with no editing – no matter what. so this is what i’m doing now. sorry dear reader you will have to bear with me.  it’s half past four now and i have to take the staff to the train station. every day we pick them up at 8 and take them back at 4;30. it’s a bit of a hack cos we always have to make sure we are home at these times no matter what. oh well, this is the way things used to run here and they are not happy about change. change is scary. i will write more when i get back and try not to look back on what i’ve said until i’ve finished my day. i am back from the train station. it took a while and i got suck in traffic on the way home so i listened to some lovely voice notes from my best friend Andrea in London. she sings to me. i love it even though she did not miss her calling haha. got home to a poor mole running around the house and into the walls. the cat never kills or eats moles. she brings them into the house but she never finishes the job. maybe they don’t taste nice or maybe they are not challenge enough for her. maybe she feels sorry for their blindness. i will find a box now and take him (or her) outside. andrew is still not back. my friend just sent me a picture of her baby in her old wedding veil with her pug looking grumpy in the background. it made me laugh! there are guests outside around the koi pond with their own baby. my dogs are now barking at them. i don’t like the sound of barking. it makes my hairs stand on end. the baby is crying now. whoops. now she is laughing. sounds like me today. up and down. up and down. i think i have written enough now. time to feed the dogs; maybe do some work; make some supper, read my book. what a day it was. happiness, moaning, grumpiness, complaining, laughing, joking, dreaming, wishing, being grateful, wanting more. the human condition in a nutshell and that’s all we really have is this day; this moment in this day until we fall asleep and visit the depths of our true selves and then we wake up and pretend to be real and fight the demons all over again in a day which is the same as today only in a different shade of light.


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  1. So beautifully written! Such truth! And so much I can relate to! I think some times we just need to breath, absorb it all in, try so god damn hard to smile, and flow forward! Life is crazy! But it is beautiful ? and difficult topsy turvey times make us appreciate the good times that much more. Change is something else! “I am exactly where I should be at this exact point in my life”

  2. Yay for writing.

    The Blue Crane and the Butterfly is hands down the best spot in town. There’s a grocer section in De Warenmark that might be able to look into more vegan options for you, just avoid the butcher around the corner 0_o.

  3. I LOVED this! So simple and yet so moving. I think it’s the honesty of it. I read it at just the right time for me – it reminded me that there’s no succinct plot or truism to cover life, it’s just a day-by-day moment-by-moment experience, that never ever stops flowing.

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